All I Want This Holiday Season is a Little More Freedom

I have the best ferrets - always have. Putting them back in their cage this morning I thought "wouldn't it be wonderful to take them outside? - that's what I'd really like to do this Christmas."

I'm one of those people who has problems with Christmas - brings out the worst in me. And my birthday is two days later. This year I'll turn 50. It will also mark one year since I've had a job. There's not Christmas at our house this year - I want it that way.

I'm usually pretty conservative when it comes to money, but for years I promised myself I'd go all out when I turned 50. I've never had a wedding, graduation or bar mitzvah. My parents told me I was born on March 17th (St Patrick's Day - what a coincidence) - it wasn't until I was 10 that my great aunt Eda let it slip I was born on Dec 27th.

A few years ago I decided I wanted to spend my glorious 50th in the Chile/Argentina wine country and then visit Easter Island. Ain't gonna happen this year - and I'm ok with that. A lot of people are losing their homes, misery is all around us - I'll just have to wait a little longer to celebrate the big 5 - 0.

But the truely clever mind always have a plan B. I want to do something truly outrageous on the big day - TAKE THE FERRET OUT IN PUBLIC.

Problem is, who pays for such foolishness/audacity/whatever? The ferret. I can't let that happen and that has been one of the biggest obstacles to getting ferrets legalized. I did it before, it was a complete disaster featuring ferret euthanasia and jail time.

As Janice Joplin sang "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to loose." And I can't afford to lose a ferret.

So perhaps I'm not so clever. My current plan is to find out if Denny's still offers a free lunch on your birthday and break out a special box of macaroni and cheese that evening.

Eight is my unluckly number. 2009 has to be better.

And the Winner is Former Assemblyman Richard Floyd

I had to assign member number 666 of the 3000 Club this morning. It turned out to be an easy decision.

I've been working on ferret legalization many years. I have a long memory and room for many grudges, but the most outrageous comments from someone who should be intelligent came from Former Assemblyman Richard E Floyd.

Even more incredible, after ten years what is on the top of my stack but an old thermal paper fax that this assemblyman sent to the California Animal Control Directors Association. I had to rekey it in, but this is what our honorary member wrote:

January 13, 1998

Dear CACDA Member:

As a member of the State Legislature, I want to speak directly to you about the issue of ferrets. No doubt you know that possession of this creature is a misdemeanor in California, and that the state authorizes seizure of these animals to be removed or, if deemed necessary to be eradicated.

I oppose legalization of this vicious predator. From my perspective, legalization will only guarantee that uncounted numbers of babies will be carried bleeding in to emergency rooms.

As evidence of the brutal aspect of ferrets, I turn your attention to three recent attacks by this animal against children. The enclosed news article describes an attack from December, where a “pet” ferret so viciously attacked twin infants in Anaheim that they needed hospitalization.

Dr Riley, of the Veterinary Public Health Section of the State Department of Health
Services, has also informed that two attacks occurred within just this past week, one in San Diego and another in Marysville, both of which also resulted in the hospitalization of small children.

In light of these attacks and knowing the predatory nature of this animal, I call upon each of the members of the California Animal Control Directors Association to seize any ferret brought into your facility or which otherwise comes into your possession. Seized animals should be removed from the state or eradicated. Under no
circumstances should ferrets be handed over to a private individual claiming
possession, as this remains a proscribed creature.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation in the front line enforcement of state
law.

Sincerely,

Hon. Richard E Floyd
Member, California State Assembly
55th District

Cc: Assemblyman Jan Goldsmith