I Never Thought The Day Would Come

Lance had mentioned he was thinking of doing this Blog entry - but for some reason I am inspired to write this. Perhaps it has something to do with this photo which is pinned to my partner's bulletin board:

On my partner's shoulder is Daisy. Daisy was the most remarkable ferret I have ever met. She was handed down from older brother to younger brother when I got her at 2 years of age. She lived another 7 years and even died cheaply. That sounds crass - but ferret owners know its hell to spend thousands on your ferret's cancer (or whatever treatments) and have them die. I have so many wonderful memories of Daisy.

I had Daisy when I met Jim. Ferrets were new to Jim and required quite an adjustment on his part. "Your condo smells like a game refuse" Jim told me early on, the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

The point is - back then, both my pets and relationship were not recognized. I always thought ferrets would be legal in California long before I could get married.

Last year we conducted a Field Research poll on our desired ferret legalization ballot measure. I was stunned when only 38% of Californians said they would vote to legalize ferrets. In talking to the San Jose Mercury News I told them "if we polled on gay marriage the numbers would have been higher." Ferret legalization was supposed to be a very uncontroversial issue.

What I didn't realize is that Field Research did include the gay marriage issue on the same poll and something like 42% of those polled said they'd support gay marriage.

I'm 49 - soon to be 50. Growing up gay in the 70's was very difficult - I don't think younger people can imagine and I hope they are having an easier time. It still isn't easy - but I've reached an age and a level of stability I don't have to worry too much what other people think.

However - there have been moments.

I applied for a license from the California Department of Real Estate. On the application I had to choose between married, single or divorced. "I'm none of those things" I told them - I will not ignore the commitment I have with Jim.

Jim has stuck with me through a lot. I called Jim when Rocky was taken from his vet's and euthanized - all because I am an advocate for ferret legalization. He met me at San Diego animal control. It was a terrible time for me. San Diego Animal Control told me they weren't going to euthanize Rocky that night - "call your lawyer" they said. They euthanized him 90 minutes after saying that.

I was on anti-depressants for three years after that. The doctor had me on 12 prescriptions over those years. I often thought he was helping me to kill myself.

Jim was the one who dealt with the seizures they caused and got me off the floor.

Jim rushed home when 9 armed agents broke down our front door to confiscate the ferrets after a child grabbed Raleigh (Daisy got blamed for it, the police department had taken a polaroid of the "suspect") and got scratched at Balboa Park.

Jim visited me twice a week for the 17 days I spent in maximum security at at the George Bailey detention center.

I wrote in "domestic partner" on the real estate license application. It was denied, for among other things, "Failed Family Relationships." F.U. Department of Real Estate.

Jim and I are quite a pair. Imagine if Martha Stewart and Joanne Embry were lesbians - we'd be the male version.

When I met Jim I had three ferrets, one being Gonzo. Gonzo must have been inbred - he was "special." He loved the sound of broken glass. Guess what Jim likes to collect? We made a deal, if the ferrets break anything in their room, too bad. Elsewhere in the house I have to pay for it.

If you call the San Diego Ferrets Anonymous office you are likely to hear Jim in the background yell "Clean this ferret shit up and use the disinfectant." I would think it is not an emergency and could wait. I'd clean it up before I went to bed.

Relationships require a lot of work. I'm afraid Jim has done all the work. He's dealt with me during my ups and downs and pays most of the household bills. While I feel very good about what I've done for ferrets, I've really sucked at making a living.

So for a couple of months at least - we have the option of getting married. Who could have imagined that?

I hope it is followed by the opportunity to have legal ferrets! I would love to take the ferrets out and about and maybe that isn't such a far off dream as it once seemed.